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  • Writer's picturemamaspice

For Baby Spice

Updated: Mar 11, 2019

I've lived in 9 cities across 3 countries. I've now lived in Indiana for an entire decade. When I moved to the Midwest ten years ago, I had a four-year plan. Graduate college, and leave.

I met my now husband in 2011 at a transitional home. It's a story I'll share later, but for now, take my advice that volunteering is a great place to meet someone with a big heart. My four-year plan turned into a six-year plan with graduate school. Graduate with a Master's, and leave.

We got engaged on July 4, 2014. We had a civil ceremony on August 15, 2014. We had a church wedding almost a year later on May 9, 2015 so our friends and family from afar could celebrate with us. We then traveled to India in December that year to celebrate with those who could not make it to the States. I joke that I've "married" the same person three times now. My six-year plan turned into ten years and counting. We don't plan on calling the Midwest home forever but we've settled into our Broad Ripple neighborhood quite well.

On July 4, 2018, I found out I was expecting. On August 15, 2018, we had our first ultrasound to meet the most adorable set of cells in the universe - Baby Spice. Pregnancy hasn't been easy especially when you're insulin-resistant and spend your first trimester on progesterone support. I lost almost ten pounds in the first few months, and could barely eat at work because the bathrooms were so far away. I'm one of those people who likes to give 110% at anything they do. Pregnancy taught me that my body isn't my own, and that it's going to take a 4 hour nap after work whether I want to or not. My knees, my hips, my muscles - they all ache and at all times of the day. I spend my nights on a heating pad while my husband repeatedly asks me to "not cook the baby". The feminine mystique has a whole different meaning now. I've turned outward to seek help from women who've gone through this process before, and men who've supported those women. I've turned inward to truly understand this incredible process. That's what I'm most grateful for - the ability to really put this tiny thing inside me ahead of my own needs, and make decisions that will hopefully benefit us all in the long run.

October has always been a blah month in my life. I was joking with my husband that nothing exciting happens in October. However, I wound up getting laid off right before my 20-week ultrasound. Needless to say Week 20 was an emotional roller coaster for a variety of reasons. However, at the end of the week, I realized that not all storms come to disrupt your life, some come to clear your path.

Living in three countries makes you resilient. It also allows you to see the world through a vastly different lens. I've lived across peanut farmers who barely had anything to eat. I've lived in university housing in England. I went to a fancy boarding school, and then moved to the States on my own at 18 and managed to pay for two degrees with no debt. I've sat across refugees at fundraisers learning about how they crossed a border for safety, and sometimes not greater than the one they left. I've lived in a halfway house, and learned that if you listen to people's stories, who they are today really makes sense. I don't want to minimize being laid off. It's just that being a third culture kid gives you a good perspective on what it could be. Gratitude and forgiveness are important, and I really hope my kid has a colorful life where they're able to learn from every experience and process it in a healthy manner.

So what next?! Well, I'm using this time off to find the next best thing career wise and to finally work on some writing projects that I've put on the back burner for years.

First, this blog. Mixed Messages is for Baby Spice. Sometimes, the thought of raising a mixed child in the Midwest terrifies me. I don't want them to be reminded that they're "different" because a majority of their family members doesn't look like them, or unconsciously labels them. I want them to be bi or poly-lingual. I want them to see their cousins in India frequently, and grow up around both sets of grandparents. This blog is going to be casual letters to Baby Spice, and random thoughts about pregnancy, motherhood, and careers.

The second writing project is a bilingual children's book. It's a resource I didn't have as a child growing up between countries, and I'm hoping I can provide that for my own little one.

On Friday, I got to let go of an interesting chapter in my life. I'm really glad I did because looking forward is so much better.

We leave for Maui tomorrow morning. You'll find out if Baby Spice is a boy or girl in my next post.

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